Stay
by Keira-House M.D
Summary: "Do not ask me to stay, I beg of you Ma'am." "Why?" "Because if you ask me to stay then I will not be able to refuse." After a rebuke from the newly arrived Albert sends Victoria storming from the room she is comforted by Lord M and comes to a decision about the future. Victoria/Melbourne


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the historical characters in Victoria nor do I own the TV series which was written by Daisy Goodwin. Any lines from the show are also not mine and are just borrowed from Daisy Goodwin and ITV Victoria.**

* * *

" _You play very well, Cousin. But I believe you do not practise enough. It is necessary to play for at least one hour each day."_

" _A queen does not have time for scales every day."_

" _Only for card games."_

* * *

Furious with Albert's rebukes she storms from the room with not a word to anyone there.

As she hurries towards her rooms she fumes at her cousin's presumption, at her uncle's inviting him without permission, and at her mother's clear desire to marry her off to the man of _her_ choosing.

Her family has always been controlling but she will not stand for this, to be so insulted in front of everyone. She has never been fond of criticism and this is even worse than usual, to come from someone who barely knows her, who has no idea of the struggles she – as a queen and as a young woman – endures.

She has half a mind to send the princes straight home, but of course her mother and Uncle Leopold would argue so and they are difficult enough to deal with without making the situation more strained.

She hears footsteps behind her and whirls quickly around, sure it will be her mama trying to force her to return.

"Mama, do not try and suggest that I go back there. Prince Albert is the most –"

But her angry words die away as she realises that it is Lord M she is now facing and not her mama.

* * *

Lord M steers her into one of the sitting rooms, the warmth of his hand on her back able to temporarily calm her anger.

"The duchess was going to come after you," he explains, "but Emma delayed her with a minor query and I took my chance. It was an obvious diversion, though. I do believe your uncle heartily dislikes me."

Victoria cannot help but let out a little snort of laughter at the idea of uncle Leopold's face. He certainly does not approve of her choice of Lord M as her primary advisor and she knows he wishes to be the one she turns to, despite the fact that she is well aware that he will always look to his own interests (Belgium and the Coburgs) before he looks to England's and her own – a stark contrast to Lord M, who is always focused on ensuring her safety and England's prosperity.

"He is so fixated on his idea of Albert and I marrying," she says, scoffing at the thought, "it really is quite absurd. I will marry whomever I choose."

She takes a seat and gestures for Melbourne to do so as well, "I am glad it is you who followed me," she admits, "I am not quite in the mood to speak to mama. I am sure Albert and Ernest's arrival is her doing, and uncle Leopold's too."

"Well they are here now, Ma'am, and you must make the best of it."

Victoria scowls, "but how dare Albert!" she cries out, "how dare he speak to me like that, admonish me like I am a child in front of everyone."

"Ma'am," says Lord M, trying to soothe her anger, "I am sure the prince did not mean to be so abrupt and rude."

"How else can he have expected such comments to be taken … and he was so public about it too. It was humiliating."

She is embarrassed to realise that there are tears welling up in her eyes and she turns to face away from Lord M, not wishing him to witness how truly distressed Albert's comments have made her.

But she cannot hide from him. He always knows, always cares.

She slumps into a chair and he sits down next to her, brows furrowed as he takes in her defeated appearance.

There is concern written all over his face. The differences between his manner and Albert's are numerous and not at all complimentary in relation to her cousin.

"Do you think Albert is right?" she asks, quiet and unsure.

He smiles at her softly and takes her hands in his, "there is no shame or sin in enjoying yourself, Ma'am. Even a queen needs time to rest and have fun. If there was serious gambling going on then perhaps there might be some wrong in it, but I know the most you ever play for is pennies. It is a harmless relaxation."

"He thinks I am foolish."

"Then he is wrong."

There is a strength of belief in Melbourne's voice that heartens her, an absolute sureness in his tone that says he truly believes what is he is telling her.

"I have had the great pleasure of watching you grow into your role as queen, and I have had the privilege of aiding you where I can. You work hard, Ma'am, and are far more diligent than your uncles ever were. Never doubt your worth and never let anybody tell you that you are incapable of being queen."

They sit there, hands entwined. There is a peace between them that they never can achieve with anyone else.

"Dear Lord M," she says, "what would I do without you?"

"Oh you would get along, Ma'am," he answers her, "you do not really need me, not anymore."

She has, he thinks, come so far since she has become queen. More assured, wiser, politically astute. And he can feel in his bones that his tenure as Prime Minister is nearer the end than the beginning now.

He thinks she will be fine.

But he wonders how he will bear it. Once upon a time all he desired was solitude and Brocket Hall. Now he thinks it will break his heart to leave her.

* * *

There is something in his words she does not like. His mention of her no longer needing him is not just a casual joke – there is a hint of finality in his tone.

"You are not leaving me, Lord M?" she asks.

She is trying to conceal her fear, to calm her frantic heart.

She remembers what happened last time he left her, even if it was only for a few days. She is more able now, and wiser to the dangers of imposing her will on Parliament in such a way as she did then, but the sheer panic at the idea of no longer having him with her is just the same now as it was then.

Without him she will survive in political terms – she is less hesitant now, more able to deal with government – but she knows that his loss will be a personal blow she will not recover from.

Visions of dull days fill her mind, of duty without any of the interest and amusement and happiness Lord M brings.

Of life without this man who cares for her for her own sake and not because she is queen, who gives her faith in her own abilities while everyone else derides her.

"You are not leaving?" she repeats her question.

He looks sheepish and sad. She knows what he means to say without him even opening his mouth.

His thumb rubs calming circles on the skin of her hands. He senses her unease and tries to negate it. However even his gentle touch cannot help her with this feeling of despair as she considers how she might lose Lord M.

"You cannot go," she tells him, "I command you to stay."

She thinks she would sound haughty and imperious if her eyes were not filling with tears and her lip was not trembling.

He cannot help but make a sound of bitterness and pain and regret.

"I will not be your Prime Minister forever, Ma'am, I am sure you know that."

She does know this, but her heart has not yet accepted it.

"You will still visit, though," she says, "I am sure we could still ride out and –"

"You know it is not possible, Ma'am," he reminds her carefully, "when the time comes you must be seen to support the new government."

"But you are my friend," she protests, "the very best friend I have ever had. Is this what being queen is … to lose everyone I care about?"

"There is always a price for power, Ma'am."

"I never asked for this, though," she tells him, "I do not think I want a crown if all it means is that I have to lose my only true friend."

He sighs, "you remember what I told you once, Ma'am. That you must smile and wave and never let them know how hard it is."

"I remember and I have done so," she says, "but I am not sure I can continue doing so if my heart is broken."

Because if he leaves she knows her heart will never be the same. He is there now, forever and always.

"Your heart will mend, Ma'am," he tries to tell her, "you will find a husband who loves and cherishes you, will have a family."

"You told me I must marry to please myself," she reminds him.

"I did, Ma'am."

"But I do not want Albert or any other prince. When I imagine a future with Albert all I see is his disapproval. And how can I marry a man who, almost as his first act, seeks to correct me in front of so many – a monarch cannot be seek as weak, and what kind of message does it send for him to upbraid me so publicly?"

She can only keep comparing Albert to Lord M. She and her Prime Minister have their disagreements, but they discuss them rationally (mostly) and in private. In public he always supports and protects her, does his best to ensure that those like her vicious uncle Cumberland do not have the chance to try and cause her problems.

That is the kind of husband she needs and wants.

Lord M is the one she wants. The only one.

She just wishes he would let himself see the truth instead of hiding behind protocol and duty and sacrifice because he does not think himself worthy.

He is more than worthy.

And she will make him believe that.

* * *

"Do you imagine that I wish to leave you, Ma'am," he says desperately, "you know my feelings, I think, but you also know that anything more than this is not possible between us."

"Why not?" she asks, "I know that it will be hard. I know that there will be opposition. I feel that it can be overcome, though, and I know that I am a better queen with you by my side. There is duty, but Lord M surely duty can only go so far – is it really right for me to spend my life alone or in a loveless marriage for the sake of protocol and the ridiculous expectations of men who care more for power and appearance than the wellbeing of this great nation?"

Her arguments weaken his resolve. He loves her, has given her up because he believes it is what is best for her and not because of any lack of feeling. Yet she has a point – he is trying to be selfless but in doing so he is clearly causing her distress and that is something he has never wanted to do.

He perhaps needs to give her time to ensure that she does not make a mistake. He would hate to be something she regretted, would hate for her to realise later on that she might have been happier with Prince Albert.

But the prince really has behaved quite appallingly. Melbourne desires the queen's happiness above all else and all he has seen of the prince so far (though it has been little) does not show him the type of man he believes could make the queen happy.

Melbourne does not know what to think or say. His sense of duty to his country and parliament has always been so clear to him but the queen muddles everything in his mind and he wants to put her first, always.

She is gazing at him now, watching his mind whir as he tries to make a decision. She looks at him with such emotion that he just wants to take her in his arms regardless of the impropriety.

He is divided. Duty and feelings. Head and heart.

He does not know what to do. This is a turning point, he knows, and he has to try and do what is right.

* * *

"Do not ask me to stay, I beg of you Ma'am."

His voice is pleading in a way she has never heard before. She knows instinctively that he is not referring to staying with her in this room, or even staying as Prime Minister. He is asking her not to repeat her Brocket Hall confession.

"Why?" she asks, curious and anticipating and hopeful.

"Because," he explains quietly, "if you ask me to stay then I will not be able to refuse."

* * *

He does not know if he has made the right decision in his words to her.

He feels like he should play for time to let the queen know more of Prince Albert. It hurts but he thinks it is the right decision.

However, his words have come out a little differently than expected. He finds he has laid himself open to her.

If she says nothing then things will go back to what they were and he will quite possibly watch her fall in love with another man – he can only imagine what that will feel like (bittersweet to be sure).

If she answers differently, though … if she asks him to stay then he knows it will be an immensely difficult road for both of them, yet one that will make him happier than he ever thought possible.

Perhaps he is a fool. He will find out soon enough.

* * *

She takes a breath. It is not a declaration, not exactly, but in her heart she knows what he means.

The idea of him staying forever fills her with joy.

It is nothing like her attempts to see a future with Albert. When she thinks of Lord M she pictures it – the support she knows he will give, the enjoyment his presence brings growing in knowledge with his help, laughing and joking together constantly, having a family, loving him so very much.

She can see it all clearly and she wants it so very much.

She knows he is beyond hesitant, knows he does not wish to cause her trouble or regrets. But she knows her heart, believes wholly that what she feels is real and true and will never fade.

"Stay?" she asks.

He touches her face reverently, like he has never seen anything like her.

Then he leans forward to kiss her. Briefly, softly. But with so much feeling.

How she loves him, this amazing man.

"Yes," he tells her.

And that single word brings her more pleasure and felicity than anything else ever has.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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